So this whole blogging thing is
new to me, but I need a way to share with whoever wants to know what is going
on and how we’re doing without putting it all over facebook or sending out
endless group emails. This way you can check
up if and when you want to and it gives me a place to say it all one time, and
you’re not receiving endless emails from me.
I want to say first of all that
this will be my blog – although some of the things I say and thoughts I have
will reflect what Jacqui, Peter and Tyler feel, I can’t speak for them and
going through this journey – again – is so personal and different for each of
us.
To just give a quick explanation
of what the current situation is, these are the things we know: Three nodules were discovered on Jacqui’s
left lung. They are cancerous, not lung
cancer, but Synovial Sarcoma, that has metastasized to her lung. They are 99% certain that the nodules are
cancerous, so won’t do a biopsy before removing them, because it’s essentially
the same thing. The doctors assure us this
is treatable and that she has lots of positive indications for this – she is
young, has no other symptoms and it’s taken over 2 years for the nodules to
appear (the longer the time from her original surgery, the better).
The current thought is that she
will have to have surgery to remove the nodules which will involve anything
from removing the individual nodules to removing the whole lung. This will be decided when the Thoracic surgeon
looks at the PET she had on Oct 25. When
this is determined, they will set a surgery date and when the surgery is done
and they know more of what they are dealing with, they will decided on whether
or not to do chemo.
So we don’t know much other than
it’s baaaaa-aaaaaack!!
How am I? (remember I can’t speak for the rest of my
family) – well frankly this is my worst fear – the call I never wanted to get
and I am heartbroken, disappointed, terrified, horrified and overall so sad
that Jacqui has to go through this again.
This is not what I want to be
doing with my daughter, I don’t want to be “that family” but it is what we have
to do and so I truly and sincerely want to make this experience as meaningful
as I can. I don’t want to sound like a
Pollyanna about this, but I talk to a lot of people who go through seemingly
exciting events - complaining the whole way, so it’s all what you do with it.
The other day a friend had this
on his facebook page: You really have no control over 10% of what happens in your
life, The other 90% is determined by your reaction…………… I
like that sentiment (not really sure about the percentages though) I want to experience every moment, appreciate
what is going on, appreciate the love and kindness that is showered on us from
family, friends and strangers while not ignoring the darker feelings I may feel
or the feelings of Jacqui, Peter and Tyler. I DON’T want to waste my time being bitter or
depressed.
I am a person of faith and I am
thankful for that hope that I have, but honestly, sometimes it is hard to be
hopeful and I spend a lot of time ranting and raving. But I heard these words in a song:
“Honest cries from a breaking heart are better than a hallelujah
sometimes”
