Jacqueline and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Jacqueline and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Well that wasn't at all what we'd wanted. Yesterday we went to see Dr. McFadden and it wasn't just the routine, pre-surgery visit that we'd hoped.
He is such a nice man and we could tell that it hurt him to tell us that things had changed. The two spots were still there in her left lung and had grown a bit, not unexpected, but there were also 3 more that had appeared since the CT scan in October - which would still had of been fine to carry on as planned. But the big change was there is a new tumor - 2cm by 1/2 cm that is outside of the lungs, also on her left side between the ribs near the spine.
This is alarming because it gives evidence that there could be cells in other parts of her body - there may be some that aren't showing up yet. Anyways, the short story is that the lung spots become secondary and the emphasis is on the one between the ribs. Dr. McFadden said it would be very difficult to reach at the same time as the lung surgery and that it wouldn't be a good idea to go in and only get part of it and disturb the cells. He didn't want to talk for the oncology specialists but suspected that they would want to do radiation or chemo or both to reduce it and then maybe do surgery.
So the good news is that there is no surgery on Monday, but that's also the bad news as the surgery won't take care of things as we'd hoped.
Naturally we are once again horrified, disappointed and very sad. We are feeling numb, tired and a little hopeless. We all stayed home today - very thankful to have understanding workplaces - and just had time to process things. Jacqui was able to sort out some things at work as she was preparing to be on leave for her surgery and now doesn't know what will happen. Once again they have been so supportive and sympathetic towards her.
So next - well Jacqui got busy today and rather than waiting for them to call with an appointment time and date, she phoned the cancer center and was able to get an appointment for Monday at 2:15. I don't know what kind of information they'll have yet - or if they'll have a plan, but it will make us feel better to get things started - at least get in to gather more information.
The one bright spot was the thought that if it wasn't for our trip to El Salvador, we probably would have pushed for the surgery to be done earlier, which would have meant that she probably wouldn't have had a second CT scan and these new ones would have been left to grow unseen for a few more months - so if there is any good - that would be it. But that does kind of feel like I'm reaching - maybe that's just looking on the sunny side - like in the last blog...
I am saddened to hear that Jacqui and her support system are up against yet another daunting challenge. However, after spending a week with 3 of the 4 of of you, I have no doubt you will all meet this challenge with the grace, beauty, warmth and laughter that excude from the core of each and everyone of you. We (the Chibry clan) will keep you all in our hearts and will send lots of "kick a little cancer ass" thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteCarol,I commented the other night after my second glass of wine, bawling for you guys.So kind of pleased it didn't make the cut. This so sucks and I wish I had perfect words for you that helped. What helped us was just knowing that people did care and although I havnt met you, I really do. I wish my brain and heart were bigger so I could understand this better, but they are small and so very human. You have said so much good stuff in your posts.They are eloquent.What you said about the timing of things.We found that as well,that things seemed timed perfectly, it was puzzling as well as comforting in the pain. I could almost feel the giant orchestration going on behind the scenes. Part of something way bigger than my imagination could hold.Thinking of you and praying with love.xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Deanne and Chibry clan!!! It's so good to have those good thoughts sent our way...every bit helps. Thanks for your kind word and I want you to know you had a big impact on Jacqui in ES too!
ReplyDeleteAnd Kat, you don't need perfect words, you've written many on this very subject that have helped me along - remember you and Gary inspired this blog. And yes we haven't met, but I feel our minds have. Interesting about the timing, another friend who is going through this with a loved one said, sometimes it feels like your grasping, but sometimes it's a good thing where there doesn't often feel like there is anything good. "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way" - Dr Viktor Frankl