Some thoughts from Peter

-but first a quick update

Wednesday, Jacqui had a phone appointment for pre-admissions at Foothills with a nurse named Val.  It took about ½ an hour and they gathered a lot of information from J and asked a lot of questions.  Looks like she has to avoid a few things for up to 14 days before surgery so she hasn't been told to start yet, so timing.....?

This morning she had to have bloodwork done and then on Monday she has her pre-admissions appointment at the Foothills where she will visit 3 different departments and come home with a booklet detailing how surgery will take place and all sorts of other information.  Maybe we'll get a better idea of the date after that - or not.

Peter wrote what's below a little bit ago - it took him awhile to be okay to share it - I know it will be shocking to some (hahaha), but I do alot of the talking and sharing, so it's great that he can give his perspective as well:

Putting my thoughts down in writing, kind of a new thing for me but here goes. 

My Daughter has cancer, again. As a Dad, this is something I can’t control and I can't fix. What a helpless feeling. Aren’t Dads supposed to fix things? Have all the answers? Never let their kids see you cry? This is so frustrating and so humbling. To know I am not able to be my child’s superhero. It breaks my heart. To know I can't help prevent this, I can't stop this and I can't fix this makes me question what can I do? And yet, Jacqui has never once asked me to fix this, stop this, prevent this. She continues to amaze me. In all honesty, she has become my super hero. I always thought your kids were supposed to learn from

you however I have quickly learned that this is a two way street and I continue to learn from her and I couldn't be more proud of her.

As a man of faith, there are days when i think I used to be a man of faith,  but deep down it’s still there but my faith has been tested far beyond what I can comprehend. There are days when I question why her, why my family, why do we have to go through this again. Questions that I know can't be answered until I meet God one day. For now, I have to trust and really just marvel in the way that His love shines through the many people who have cared for us and continue to amaze us with their outpouring of love and support. That in itself can be hard to take as you are taught that it always better to give than receive, better to help than be helped. But as nice as those sentiments are all you can do is accept the love and say thank you. Which of course you feel that it’s never enough, for now that’s all I can give back.

Waiting... waiting for appointments, waiting for Doctors, waiting for tests, waiting for results. So difficult to be patient, knowing its a process that you have to wait while it unfolds. Yet life goes on. Some days you wish you could just fast forward through all the commercials so you can see what happens in the show. Yet sometimes its what happens during the commercial break that can effect how you feel. Jacqui looks great, and is feeling well. So unlike last time where she actually had a pain in her foot, that affected her lifestyle, there was something showing that was affecting her health. this time around its unseen and unfelt. This makes it more unreal and yet more scary as its invisible. So as the days and weeks go by, day to day life starts to take the appearance that everything is ok and yet this black cloud is hovering over us. A cloud, which at this point we are unsure how bad of a storm is brewing... So you never get too comfortable because that you know that a storm is coming, you just don’t know how bad it will be.