Friday, 14 December 2012

We have a date!!!

We have a date!!! Jan 3…
No Brady Christmas for this Carol! But that’s okay, at least we know something.
I had started this entry this morning, but didn’t have time to finish before I had to run to yoga, I have to practise my breathing so I can teach Jacqui the yoga breathing technique to help her gain lung capacity after the surgery.  Anyways, I’m so glad I didn’t post what I had, I was feeling very discouraged, it wasn’t pretty, I felt really at the end of what I could handle - I felt like I was floating in a big bubble of water and trying to breathe…hmmm isn’t that drowning? Sadly that feeling is not eased by comfort eating or binge drinking…
When I got home there was a voice mail from the surgeon’s office regarding a surgery date, after another voice mail we finally touched base and it’s set for January 3rd.  My reaction was absolute relief; it’s just so exhausting to just be in limbo.  I’m sure other emotions will follow as reality sets in, but it’s so good to have a starting point.  And this is only the beginning.
Earlier in the week, Jacqui called to see if there was any indication of when it might be and was told that the schedule was only set a week in advance and we would find out seven days before – that was so frustrating, a week before when – will that be 2 weeks, 2 months, what????  It is such an awful feeling to have absolutely no control, to try and plan even the littlest thing while having this big thing hanging over our heads. 
So, now I feel like we can actually plan for Christmas, with no pressure – I suddenly realized that apparently I have all my Christmas shopping done, I seriously don’t even know how that happened!  And our neighbors brought over a bunch of baking yesterday – so that’s done -  and a bottle of wine – so maybe just a little bingeing!!!!
Many people say “God’s timing is always perfect” – maybe, but I wonder sometimes!!!!!  Many, many years ago I heard a song about God’s timing that has always stuck with me when I’m waiting for something – this is one of the verses:
In your way and in your time
That’s how it’s going to be in my life
And though some prayers I’ve prayed may seem unanswered yet
You never come to quickly or too late
And I will pray and not regret the time
In your time – there is rest 

Don’t regret the time, just rest – when will I learn? 

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