Worn

Round Two:  

Well after a few short (very short) days of feeling pretty good, but tired, Jacqui goes back in for her second round of chemo tomorrow.

We weren't sure if she would be strong enough or that her white blood count would be up enough for her to start again this week, but all seems okay, so here we go again.  It's really hard to start this again, I can see by Jacqui's face that it's just so much - too much.  We don't know how this round will go, but know from past experience that it just gets a little harder each time.  

But there are a few changes this time:

• First of all she is going to be admitted to the hospital, which is good - in that she doesn't have to travel back and forth each day and bad - because she doesn't want to have to stay in the hospital again
• they are going to reduce the dosage a bit because of how hard it was on her body
• they will give it to her more slowly, but continuously over a 24 hr (or so) period - it's usually 3-8 hour days - this is good because she won't have to have the IV re-inserted every morning, which can get really difficult as the weeks go by

She will be in for 2-3 days depending on how she responds to everything and then home to recover again.  It all just makes her feel tired and sad, and yet you wouldn't know it to see her, that spark just always keeps shining so bright! 

There is a song that I heard the other day called "Worn" by 10th Avenue North and it describes very well how we're feeling right now....

I'm Tired I'm worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I've made mistakes

I've let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won't let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I'm worn

Even before the day begins

Yeah, I'm worn

I've lost my will to fight

I'm worn

So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause all that's dead inside will be reborn

Though I'm worn

Yeah I'm worn