It’s okay to fall apart for a little while

Hello Family and Friends

My Mom asked if I would be willing to write about how round one went. We have been able to speak or text with many of you but I know lots of you are curious.

 
This round was hard.

Day one was fine. Dad and I went and watched Legally Blonde (our favourite movie) and things were pretty good. I didn't feel too sick or anything that wasn't manageable.

Day two my mom took me and our good friend Cathy joined us. Things became more difficult this day. I started to have lucid dreams. I thought doctors were talking to me and I would turn to get my mom’s opinion and realize my eyes were closed and I'd open them and there wouldn't be anyone other than Mom and Cathy!

Day 3 was awful. My sweet brother Tyler and cousin Alyssa took me for this treatment. I have hardly any memories from this day! I apparently told Alyssa my new socks were from lulu lemon on more than 3 occasions! I talked with my Doctor, but only remembered having done the following day. I remember being in the car on the way home and starting to talk back to the radio and then stopping myself realizing that I was not talking to a human! I don't remember coming into the house or going to bed!

Saturday was fine though! I was loopy on drugs but I had an appetite and was chatty. The Hooge’s and one of my good friends came over that night and we watched You Tube videos and had a fun night. Then around 9, I basically decided everyone should leave because I was tired!

Sunday and Monday were very bad. I couldn't keep anything down and was constantly nauseous. The codeine that was supposed to suppress my cough made me sick - it was very frustrating and I felt very helpless. I found it difficult to move from my bed to the couch, difficult to drink water, and I wasn't hungry at all. But by Tuesday I was feeling better, wasn't throwing up and even managed to leave the house for a couple hours to visit with some friends nearby! Wednesday I was starving and eating everything and Thursday I was out of the house all day!

It's weird, chemo makes you feel so sick and low as if you are dying and then as you wean off the medicine you gain your energy and spirit back. It's exciting and I feel ready to socialize but I have this nag in the back of my mind reminding me that I have to do it all again much too soon.

Next time will be harder too, and that's discouraging. My hair is still here. It's thinning out but it is still here and I am so grateful for it! It's so pretty and I am going to brag because soon it will be taken from me!

Thank you for the prayers, for the meals, for the trinkets, the cards, and the flowers. Thank you for the texts and the Facebook messages and likes - it does not go unnoticed!

 
PS:  Watching House of Cards and Nashville are how I've been passing most of my time! Netflix is the absolute best

It’s okay to fall apart for a little while

You don’t always have to pretend to be strong,

and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.

You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either

 – cry if you need to –

it’s healthy to shed your tears

The sooner you do

the sooner you will be able to smile again 

And a smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy

Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems