You're gonna hear me roar....

 

Did you know that the Serenity Prayer has a second part?  Well this is it:

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

So yesterday was pretty much as we expected.   Chemo was the best option of a few awful options.

On an early episode of Sons of Anarchy (no judging please-but I did have to stop watching it - too much for this girl)  a guy had kept a club tattoo on his back after he had been kicked out of the club.  This was not allowed and the "Sons" gave him the option of "Torch" or "Sander" meaning they would either burn it off with a torch or sand it off with a sander.  That's kind of how I felt yesterday - we chose torch....

 

It will be a higher dose of one of the chemo drugs used in the "cocktail" last time - Ifosfamide - used on it's own, in a larger dosage, it's been quite effective in treatment of Synovial Sarcoma.   

 

So it starts tomorrow. 

 

3 rounds (cycles) to start after which they will do another CT scan to see how the tumor is responding, assess how she is responding and then possibly do up to 3 more. 

 

Each round consists of: 

Week one:  Monday - Blood test (to make sure her blood levels are sufficient to receive the chemo) and appointment with the medical staff and then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - 6 hours a day minimum.  She will come home in the evenings as long as she can handle it, otherwise they'll keep her in for the 3 days.

Weeks 2 & 3:  recovery

 

Repeat

 

And the side effects - it's like reading a horror story - but of course right now the worst and most noticeable for her is loosing her hair again - her beautiful hair. 

 

Have I mentioned that this is exhausting - I know I have but it still is. And although we are hopeful and want to be optimistic, sometimes the losses add up and it's just plain hard to feel positive and relate to that prayer at the start of this entry - it's a fight - not a very fair fight.  So here's a song that Jacqui's been singing a lot these last few months and if you know her at all - some of the images will make you laugh because it's just so her (especially the roaring part) -  

 

Translation in progress. Please wait...

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess

So I sit quietly, agreed politely

I guess that I forgot I had a choice

I let you push me past the breaking point

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, your hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

 

Now I’m floatin like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar