Last week, we got a call from Dr. McFadden's office - Jacqui's surgery is booked - January 27th - and she'll have another CT scan and the pre-op work done the week before we leave for El Salvador.
That was easy....
Last year at this time we were wracked with worry, waiting for appointments, dates, not knowing what to expect. And this time it's all there ready and waiting.
And then the "what if's " start:
Is it going to be worse if we wait
Shouldn't we just be getting it out now
What if she gets sick in El Salvador
I know that's what lots of people are thinking too - and the answers are:
Who knows?
It's basically the same time frame as last year - there's a line-up!
She could get sick at home too.
"People say you can’t have faith and fear at the same time. But you can. I’m exhibit A. I prefer to think, Courage is fear that has said its prayers. So I said my prayers"
(I stole that from an article on Anne Lamott's Facebook page)
Last week I posted a youtube video on my Facebook page (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOlpdd7y8MI) - Jimmy Kimmel had parents tell their kids that they'd eaten all their Halloween candy and then video tape it and send it in to him - nice! Anyways, the reactions were predictable - poor little kids. It was interesting to watch the way they had grouped the clips - it seemed like the first group just burst into tears of shock and horror, the second group were mad and the third group was resigned - one said "maybe next year we can share" - how sweet is that? The whole thing was just fean (funny/mean - I made that word up).
As I thought about it later that day, I realized that it is a really good illustration of how I've reacted to each time we've been given the bad news -
First time - shock, open-mouthed horror and deep sadness
Second time - anger and deeper sadness
Third time - resigned, very sad, but strangely, with a bit of hope
Why hope? Where did that come from?
It doesn't make sense,
but as long as there is life
and there is something to be done,
there is hope.
Sometimes this cancer goes away
I've had many people tell me they are so angry about this recurrence and just don't understand or know what to say to us or what to do
Rejoice in hope
Be patient in tribulation
Be constant in prayer
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you
~Maori Proverb
