As I walk around in my house, I see boxes, bins or drawers
filled with things...
- Christmas decorations
- My stampede “wardrobe” – yes – after 17 years, it’s become a wardrobe – not big, but ....
- Tea towels for different seasons – fall, Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc
- Winter coats & boots & skates
- Summer clothes
- Canning Jars
- Suitcases
- Tax documents for the last 7 years
Lots of things that I don’t use all the time, just take them
out when I want or need them – just because they are put away doesn’t mean I
don’t have these things, it just means that I have them
safely tucked away so
that I have easy access for when the time comes
I also have parts of myself tucked away...
As people have been reading my blog, they are sometimes surprised
at the way I express myself, they say I always seem together and happy, just
taking everything so well and this just shows another side of me.
I started to wonder if I’m being 2-faced, dishonest or
schizophrenic
But I know I’m not, it’s simply this, I don’t want to act
sad, disappointed, disillusioned, weighed down - I am a happy person, I want to
enjoy life, to live each day, not waste time curled up in a ball being sad
Although I have a big “sadness” in my life, a big burden to
carry around right now, it can’t consume me
So I put it in a box, an old cardboard box – with the flaps
folded over to close it – with a hole in the middle where the flaps don’t meet,
the hole where the things stuffed in there threaten to pop out. And I put that box away in my mind –
safely tucked away so that I have easy access for when the
time comes
that I need to take the time to feel those feelings
So I’m not double-minded or shallow or in denial, not
everything needs to be out all the time – I don’t have my Christmas tree up in
March, I don’t wear my bathing suit in the snow (usually) and I only wear
stampede clothes for 10 days in July – so when you see me happy, I’m happy, but
never doubt that -
It’s like walking in the sunshine
on ice that’s very thin
barely able to hold me above the
dark
icy
water
of my sadness
To everything there is a season - A time to cry and a time to laugh
A time to grieve and a time to dance
