Farewell 2014

Greetings Everyone, 

2014 is coming to an end. What an incredible year this has been. I started it out in El Salvador with Stepper Homes. We built houses for people in need and became friends with many beautiful people despite our language barrier.  Throughout this year I took more trips and saw many concerts! I got to go to Seattle again, Disneyland for the fourth time, to see my family in Vancouver twice, and I went to Montreal for the first time! I saw Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z perform at Safeco Field! I saw Michael Buble again and I saw Jack White! I even bought a Volkswagen Beetle! My Dream of all Dream cars! In February I recived a Kitten whom I absolutely adore! I also participated in #100daysofhappy, focusing on happy moments in every day life. I made a photo album to commemorate it! 

In some way this year was ***Flawless.

Then there was chemo, this was the longest break I had to take from work. I was gone from the end of January to the beginning of August. I only went back to work for around 3 months. Apple has been so good to me and I am honoured to be apart of that company. The long-term support has been easy to acquire and keep going. It has been such a relief admidst all of the other drama. 

The chemotherapy had some positive effects but it was clear that the cancer was becoming stronger. Still my doctor was comfortable giving me a break for a few months and letting me resume my life. He now has me back on treatment. Many of you read of our drama around Christmas time - yesterday we were able to see him and we have more information. 

While I was at the Rocky View hospital the Doctors and nurses shed light on how serious the situation is. I had only done two rounds of this chemotherapy but there hadn't been any proof of results yet. The Doctors had me speak with home/palliative care. They seemed very serious and very dire about the cancer. Since meeting with the Home Care Nurses I now see this as a great resource. They will be as involved as they need to be. 

For now I am in relatively good health so I won’t need them as much but in the future they will be a great resource. They can help with medications, with prescription delivery, with mobility care, and more. They are a liaison to have on your side. The Doctors at the Rocky View did scare us and leave us with little hope but my Doctor, Dr. Morris, said to me yesterday “we know you better”. He still has hope. Hope that we can make the cancer stable, stunt it’s growth. He said that they treatment I have been doing was not given the chance to work. He wants to do two more rounds and then check the results with a CT scan. He did let me know that the situation is serious. He said without treatment I would only live for about six more months. He predicts longer with treatment but this is a very sobering thought. 

I know that this is hard for you to read. Imagine how hard it is for me think about. Everyone writes on my wall and likes my pictures and does their best to be encouraging and see the positive side. I appreciate this, but it is also okay to sit and think on this with sobriety and feel sad. It is the reality. Your emotions are never wrong, it is okay to feel bad and to reconcile with your negative emotions for a time. 

I am going in for chemotherapy this afternoon. I will be administered a 1/2 hour of medication and then we will repeat this the week after next. I am glad that Dr. Morris still sees reason to try and to hope. He is an honest man and we will continue to have honest conversations as the months pass. 

This year was full of surprises. I don’t think I have ever had a busier year! 2014 was incredibly happy and sad and I am so thankful for it. Thank you for your continued love and support. For those of you who don’t post anything but simply read, I thank you for your quiet support. 

On a very happy note - our renovations are done and we can finally enjoy our entire house! The main floor looks incredible! I've even done some renovations to my bedroom and am loving the changes! This house is such an enjoyable place to be! :) 

Here is hoping 2015 brings a miracle, 15 is my favourite number so maybe something great will happen!

Happy New Year 

Love, 

Jacqueline 

PS: A picture of Jany enjoying the fire because she is my favourite thing in the world. 

Update

Those of you who are friends of Jacqui on Facebook may have already seen this, but I wanted to just post this for those of you who hadn't seen it.

This is what she wrote:

Update:  I've been experiencing some extreme pain lately, all in relation to the tumours in my left lung.  I've had a sore lower back, sore shoulder and this weekend very shallow breathing.  Went to the ER this morning and was treated immediately as I had a fever and a rapid heart beat.  They've given me a blood transfusion because my hemoglobin was too low. It's been a tough weekend and a rough day!  I could really use your light, love, prayers and well wishes!  I know you all will have many questions, sadly I don't have the answers, so please be gentle.

Thank you for your continued love and support. 

So this is Christmas.....

So this is Christmas.....

The. Weirdest. Christmas. Ever. 

I keep wondering why I keep hearing Christmas music and seeing so many ads and then I give my head a shake and remind myself that it's "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!"

Here's why I'm so confused - two reasons:

Firstly, we're renovating our house and we've been living in the basement since October 13th.  As I don't like to eat out much, I've managed to be very creative with a crock pot, rice cooker and hot plate (plus we've had a little help from our friends who have taken pity on us and brought us food).  Ty moved out early on in the reno, so that made life a little less squishy, but it's been interesting and annoying and fun all at the same time.  Christmas decorating is "minimalist" this year - just a few decorations we've managed to find.  But the end result is going to be fantastic and it's on schedule to be done around December 23.

Not hard, not challenging, it's self imposed and just inconvenient (and kind of fun).

Second - this part is hard and challenging, forced on us and very inconvenient (no fun at all).

Jacqui had her second round of chemo on Wednesday.  The doctor advised us to go the "Port" route and so she had the port inserted on Nov. 25 and had her first round on Nov. 26.  This chemo is administered for one hour, on one day, every other week.  Jacqui thinks it's short and easy with the port - the best chemo ever.  But there are still the side effects to deal with - mostly exhaustion and it's hard when the actual chemo part is so short to remember that it will still take a while to recover. She'll continue with this chemo until the end of the year and in the new year there will be another scan and the doctor will decide what actions to take next.

And then there is the pain, so much pain over the last few weeks.  Sometimes it's just a dull ache and sometimes stabbing pain that lasts for a few hours before subsiding.    It looks like it's fluid buildup in the lungs  - so now there's that to figure out.  She's tired and she hurts and it feels like enough...when we look for the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes all we can see is darkness.

That's when it's time to look at our little Christmas tree and it's lights remind us of the light and hope of this happy season.

Merry Christmas!!!