Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the lights.

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times,

if one only remembers to turn on the lights.

I've been a little negligent since the last post and we've had an  appointment in between so it's time for an update.

First things first.  Jacqui had an appointment with her Oncologist on July 14th and we got the results of her latest CT scan.   We decided that the results were good news.  It's weird how we go to the appointment, listen to what the doctor has to say, ask our questions and then we will sit and choose how we're going to take the news.  In this case it was me, looking at Jacqui and Peter for agreement when I said "I'm going to take that as good news!" and having them nod in agreement.  It's not black or white, good or bad, it's kind of gray.

So the news was this:  There are two tumors (I think) that are of most concern, they are ones that had grown rapidly between October and January, one of which took away the option of surgery and then there are a few little ones that are not of too much concern.  The doctor said that the big, bad duo had not grown significantly - he said that some CT scan readers may not even see a change and then little ones were the same size, maybe even a bit smaller.  And that is the good news -  little to no change so she is stable and that is good.  Of course great would have been disappearance and horrible would be if they had started growing rapidly again. So the "gray" is stable and that's good. 

I thought at the time, "well that's a few more carefree months" - this news buys time for all sorts of things,

more time to recover and build up strength

more time to discover new cancer treatments

more time to enjoy the summer

more time to travel

more time worry free

more time to live, love and laugh with friends

or even

more time to lie on the couch and watch TV if we want to

After all isn't that what everyone wants - more time?

So now Jacqui is busy getting her paperwork together so she can go back to work (starting with Dr. ordered part time) on Tuesday.   And we'll just keep on going until the next appointment at the end of September. 

It's amazing how we (our family) has developed the ability to compartmentalize our lives - the cancer is there - like the annoying bully at school - but it's summer holidays so we won't think about him (or her) until a day or so before school starts and who knows maybe when we go back, we'll find that the bully has moved away during the summer. 

We've read, seen and heard some interesting takes on living with cancer over the last few months. The first is a book (and now movie) called the "Fault in our Stars".  A story about young people living with cancer - the guy is an amputee (as a result of a cancer similar to Jacqui's) and the girl has lung cancer - Jacqui related to both of them.  And I loved the way they portrayed the parents dealing with their children having cancer.  To us it was authentic.  Some of the scenes and reactions just made us laugh and/or cry because they were so recognizable.  The book was actually written for young adults but it was well written and we thought the author must have had some insider information (kind of like the author referred to in the book). Now it's been made into a movie and we really  appreciated the real look they took at living with cancer, a kind of behind the scenes story. Things that are hard to say or that you don't want to try to explain were depicted in such a way that we felt validated (dumb word - but it works).  Like this quote:

Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the lights.
- Albus Dumbledore