I've been wondering what to do with this blog and it feels like it's done - when we started it a few years back, it was to inform everyone what was going on as Jacqui was living with cancer. And now that we know the end of her story here with us, it seems like it's time to end, but before I do, I have one more thing to share.
Time is moving on and we're not rushing to go through and organize all of her things, but one thing we have found a lot of, as we sift through, is journals - every where we look there are journals and of every colour, size and shape.
I think she started journalling the day she learned how to write and before that she just drew pictures. Not that this is surprising to us - we bought her many of these journals and there were many times we found her late at night busily writing down all the very important things that were going on in her life.
All the exciting, thrilling, devastating, happy, sad, scary, annoying, concerning, delightful, indifferent (not many of those), weary, pleasant, obnoxious, angry, elation, eager, disappointed, peaceful, upset and pleasure filled moments of her life.
And now the question is - do I read them? Other than a few pages here and there, I have decided that I won't. I want to believe that our relationship was good and strong and open and that she told me the things I needed to know but still kept some secrets to herself.
But yesterday, I found a journal that I hadn't seen before and it was from her last days. When it fell open, I noticed that the script wasn't as neat as usual, things seemed a little bit scattered but she had been writing a lot. I was sticking to my 'Don't Read" policy, but I noticed that one page had a marker, so I took a look. Here is what it said:
Today is her 29th birthday (and in a few days it's 3 months that she's been gone) and I think that her life was lived very well and that she will be remembered for not only the things she's written above, but also for the thousands of little memories she shared with so many.
Happy Birthday Jacqui, I can't wait till we can spend it together again. I'll love you forever!
Love,
Marmie xo
