It’s like walking in the sunshine on ice that’s very thin

As I walk around in my house, I see boxes, bins or drawers filled with things...

• Christmas decorations
• My stampede “wardrobe” – yes – after 17 years, it’s become a wardrobe – not big, but ....
• Tea towels for different seasons – fall, Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc
• Winter coats & boots & skates
• Summer clothes
• Canning Jars
• Suitcases
• Tax documents for the last 7 years

Lots of things that I don’t use all the time, just take them out when I want or need them – just because they are put away doesn’t mean I don’t have these things, it just means that I have them

safely tucked away so that I have easy access for when the time comes

I also have parts of myself tucked away...

As people have been reading my blog, they are sometimes surprised at the way I express myself, they say I always seem together and happy, just taking everything so well and this just shows another side of me. 

I started to wonder if I’m being 2-faced, dishonest or schizophrenic

But I know I’m not, it’s simply this, I don’t want to act sad, disappointed, disillusioned, weighed down - I am a happy person, I want to enjoy life, to live each day, not waste time curled up in a ball being sad

Although I have a big “sadness” in my life, a big burden to carry around right now, it can’t consume me

So I put it in a box, an old cardboard box – with the flaps folded over to close it – with a hole in the middle where the flaps don’t meet, the hole where the things stuffed in there threaten to pop out.  And I put that box away in my mind –

safely tucked away so that I have easy access for when the time comes

that I need to take the time to feel those feelings 

So I’m not double-minded or shallow or in denial, not everything needs to be out all the time – I don’t have my Christmas tree up in March, I don’t wear my bathing suit in the snow (usually) and I only wear stampede clothes for 10 days in July – so when you see me happy, I’m happy, but never doubt that -

It’s like walking in the sunshine

on ice that’s very thin

 barely able to hold me above the

dark

icy

water

of my sadness

 

To everything there is a season - A time to cry and a time to laugh

A time to grieve and a time to dance