Appointment today at
the Tom Baker Cancer Center – after almost 3 years, I still can’t believe that
we need to go there and that we know how
to get the best (and free) parking, exactly where to go in the building, what
time the cookie ladies come around and the names and faces of many of the
doctors and nurses. I am a very curious
person, very interested in knowing what goes on around me, I love learning new
things, but these are some things that I was never, ever wanted to know.
So…Jacqui doesn’t
have to have chemo! The evidence of it’s
effectiveness against Synovial Sarcoma is so vague that there is really no
clear cut reason to have it or not this time.
Last time, there was no question, we had to do whatever we could to
fight. It’s a big relief not to have to go through that ordeal again, but it’s
not the same as last time – when we felt like it was over – our innocence is
gone, our eyes have been opened, there’s a certain uneasiness, “What if it
comes back?” But as my brother in law just
said in a text to me, “Of course, but today is good news!” And he’s right!
One of our concerns
going in today was that J’s surgeon had said that there was evidence that the
lining of the lung was somewhat involved.
He had said that this shouldn’t make any difference in the long term but
just wanted to let us know. Our Dr today
spent some time explaining what this meant and assured us that what the surgeon
had told us this was true. We talked
about various medical options and the best course for going forward. So we’re back to 3 months X-rays or CT scans
So that was also a
relief, but somehow, we came home feeling very melancholy – maybe the stress of
uncertainty (or maybe it is a result of eating too much junk food during the Super
Bowl) – there is never really a clear cut answer, a straight path to follow, a
light at the end of the tunnel.
But “Today is good
news” and really that’s all we ever have anyways - today.
So this is what we
know:
-
Surgery was
successful- No chemo
- Jacqui can keep her beautiful, getting long, curly hair (really the most important thing!)
Carol, Jacqui and Peter - I'm happy to read that the chemo apt was in fact.....a bit of let down. In a GOOD way, of course! You all had likely been building up to a feeling of tense anxiety waiting for the "other shoe to drop". This time, it didn't really drop and thus, you might have felt a bit like the tense air was slowly let out of your tires. It means you shake a few of those 'shackles' off, and move along the 'river of life' for the next 3 months...and then the next 3 months after that....and then etc etc. Hopefully there are lots more clear check ups with less and less worry inbetween. I'm eager to hear/talk to Jill about the gigglefest you all must have had over the weekend!!
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy for this blog!
xo
Suzi
Hi Jacqui
ReplyDeleteI was pleased to see your comment.You two have been in my thoughts too and it was a good reminder to check in with you.Blogs always sound as if you are in control.I like that aspect of them where you can write and process and edit.It is such a tough and traumatic process sometimes trying to find the words to describe things seems ridiculous but soothing at the same time.
We are still at the hospice Gary very peaceful and likes it here.Peace came as some wise friends of mine said it would.I hung onto that and hoped for it,It didn't seem possible but it does arrive somewhat sneakily.I like your discussions around God. I have reached out at times really wanting to feel huge presence and comfort..asking for more and more really.And while that hasn't happened in a burst of light or warmth,when I reach I don't sense absence. So it is a quiet holding and small everydayness that sustains me.
Gary has a post on his blog about Chemo as he had it a second time around.It was a good choice for him as it shrunk the tumors (fast growing) and bought us more time. Chemo is never pleasant or easy but it did have a good result that was not expected for a while and we made the most of the time we had. We have another friend where chemo didn't work and he is on Votrient which is working well for him.
Bodies do amazing things and turn around when you least expect it.These are options if it comes to that,hopefully it wont. There are people out there who have fully recovered from this disease, they just are not blogging or talking about it they are out there living there lives.There is always hope. xx you are doing well and I love the photo of your daughter she is beautiful. A shiny button