One, two, three, four, five, six, switch!
Crazy going slowly am I
six, five, four, three, two, one, switch!
Just when things are calming down, all hell breaks loose.
So Jacqui wrote the blog just a few short days ago, on Monday morning, and she was pretty much feeling back to normal after a tough round.
And then it was Monday night...before she went to bed she said the inside of her left arm, just above her elbow, was hurting and we took a look and it was swollen and reddish. We thought maybe she had pulled a muscle or bumped it or something and decided to see how it looked in the morning.
In the morning it was not looking any better, and was very tender so I gave her a few Tylenol and a bag of ice and said if it didn't get any better she should ask them about it when she went for her CT scan later that morning. So it didn't get any better - and they took a look at her arm and sent her straight to the ER. It turned out to be a Thrombosis (blood clot) - one in her arm and then another one in her neck. Thankfully she didn't have to remain in the hospital, but now has to give herself injections everyday to thin her blood and help to dissolve the clot. She had pain medication that was easing the pain somewhat, but it was still quite swollen.
Friday morning she woke up with her whole forearm swollen and of course when she called the doctor's office they said she should go back to emergency to get it checked out. So back to the hospital she went - more time to sit around and wait. The only good thing here is that when you are receiving chemo you not only have a cancer card (literally) but you have a "Go to the front of the line" letter so that if you do end up in ER, you get in and seen quite quickly - yay cancer perks - is that a thing? - well I guess it is because when she arrived there was a 3 hour wait! Anyways, she was only in there about an hour and they said it looked like normal complications of the clot and gave her another prescription.
Anyways, all these ups and downs and twists and turns have us all feeling like we're walking on egg shells, it's hard not knowing it's going to be okay even one 1 half day to the next - changes can happen so fast. And even if a day goes well, you don't know what's around the corner and these days it seems like the surprises are often not good ones.
Hope - it's good to have hope, but the problem with hope is that the opposite is disappointment and when hope keeps turning to disappointment, you start to feel numb - to everything - nothing is as fun, happy, sad, good, bad or whatever, it's all kind of indifferent - and that's a weird place to be.
I tend to live my life feeling emotions fully and when I don't, I just don't recognize myself sometimes.
Fear cannot be without hope
Nor hope without fear
Baruch Spinoza
Crazy going slowly am I
six, five, four, three, two, one, switch!
Just when things are calming down, all hell breaks loose.
So Jacqui wrote the blog just a few short days ago, on Monday morning, and she was pretty much feeling back to normal after a tough round.
And then it was Monday night...before she went to bed she said the inside of her left arm, just above her elbow, was hurting and we took a look and it was swollen and reddish. We thought maybe she had pulled a muscle or bumped it or something and decided to see how it looked in the morning.
In the morning it was not looking any better, and was very tender so I gave her a few Tylenol and a bag of ice and said if it didn't get any better she should ask them about it when she went for her CT scan later that morning. So it didn't get any better - and they took a look at her arm and sent her straight to the ER. It turned out to be a Thrombosis (blood clot) - one in her arm and then another one in her neck. Thankfully she didn't have to remain in the hospital, but now has to give herself injections everyday to thin her blood and help to dissolve the clot. She had pain medication that was easing the pain somewhat, but it was still quite swollen.
Friday morning she woke up with her whole forearm swollen and of course when she called the doctor's office they said she should go back to emergency to get it checked out. So back to the hospital she went - more time to sit around and wait. The only good thing here is that when you are receiving chemo you not only have a cancer card (literally) but you have a "Go to the front of the line" letter so that if you do end up in ER, you get in and seen quite quickly - yay cancer perks - is that a thing? - well I guess it is because when she arrived there was a 3 hour wait! Anyways, she was only in there about an hour and they said it looked like normal complications of the clot and gave her another prescription.
Anyways, all these ups and downs and twists and turns have us all feeling like we're walking on egg shells, it's hard not knowing it's going to be okay even one 1 half day to the next - changes can happen so fast. And even if a day goes well, you don't know what's around the corner and these days it seems like the surprises are often not good ones.
Hope - it's good to have hope, but the problem with hope is that the opposite is disappointment and when hope keeps turning to disappointment, you start to feel numb - to everything - nothing is as fun, happy, sad, good, bad or whatever, it's all kind of indifferent - and that's a weird place to be.
I tend to live my life feeling emotions fully and when I don't, I just don't recognize myself sometimes.
Fear cannot be without hope
Nor hope without fear
Baruch Spinoza
Oh Carol ! I'm at a loss for words after reading the latest developments! You say it so well - that constant CHINKS in the armour of HOPE are numbing you out--to the point of not recognizing yourself !! Whoa! Very relatable. And might I just say now, that your spelling and grammar are always bang on. If I'd been doing a blog whilst dealing with Chemo and Radiation and the aftermath, my readers would surely have had a terrible time figuring the 'gist' out. !
ReplyDeleteI'm new to the blood clot issue - Very frightening to see more and more swelling.......and on to more medications ! Must be as a result of the chemo meds. I'm so hoping that by now, there's some good changes happening with that and with the pain.
Damn Damn Damn!
The results. Any good news there? God, I hope so!!
I didn't ask Jill, but are you and Peter able to sneak in a few helpful relaxation sessions.? To lighten your mind for a few hours. Visualization..... It helped me through some terrible anxiety . And then there's possible sleeping aids and whatnot.
Ahhhhh!
I'm rambling - but just wanted to say a heartfelt hello !
Hugs to you all
Suzi
Thanks Suzi!! :)
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